Category: Random Thoughts

I get a weekly email from a site called Happier and I thought this was a really good one as everyone has a bad day/week/month!

“What’s the advice when you just want to cry and/or sleep and don’t want to deal with people? And vacation or quitting your job is not an option. I’m having a day. OK, a week.”
“As entrepreneurs we think we have to be stoic heroes, always up, energized, ready to change the world. It’s this taboo thing to admit that we have bad days, that we feel sad, discouraged, confused, or just completely beat up by life.”

There was a lot more nodding.

“But we can’t fake it forever. No one can. The pain collects. At some point it overpowers us. And bad days become a string of really awful days, weeks, and months. I’ve been there and want to tell you guys that the first step to feeling better on a bad day is to acknowledge that you’re going to have a bad day.”

It’s taken me a decade as an entrepreneur and four decades as a human being to learn this, but I’m certain about it: The first step to feeling better — happier, more at peace, less stressed — on a bad day is to accept that you’re having a bad day and allow yourself to have one.

The worst thing to do — and I’ve been completely brilliant at doing this for most of my life — is to create a struggle between how we feel and how we think we should feel. So much frustration and unhappiness lives right in that space: the space between how things are and how we have imagined they should be.

Thing is, there isn’t some universal feelings authority that dictates how we should feel. Sometimes we have bad days. They aren’t pleasant and we would rather not have them. But when we do, the first step to not feeling worse is to allow ourselves to feel whatever we feel and acknowledge that we feel it.

So here it is, my Bad Day Survival Checklist. It’s still a work in progress and I would love to hear your favorite tips for dealing with a terrible-no-good-very-bad day. I’ll collect the best ones and share them in an upcoming email (with your permission first, of course). I love the idea of the Happier community creating a way to help ourselves and others make bad days a little less terrible.

Bad Day Survival Checklist

Step 1: Check in
Pause and take a breath. Yes, really, an actual deep breath. Feel what you feel and allow yourself to feel what you feel. Acknowledge that you’re having a rough day. And then give yourself permission to have a bad day. Literally, say to yourself: “Today is a rough day. It’s OK to have one. I’m letting myself have a bad day.”

Step 2: Adjust the day
Look at what you have to get done during the day and if possible — and I realize it may not always be possible — adjust. If you can avoid making huge decisions, having really critical meetings, or being in a situation where you have to do your absolute best, do it.

Step 3: Positive prime with gratitude
Write down three things you appreciate about your day. Make these very specific. They can be really, really small, but the key is that they are specific — less “I’m happy I’m alive” and more “I am grateful that I can afford to buy really good coffee.” (You guys didn’t think I would have a bad day checklist without gratitude, did you?)

The magic of gratitude practice is that it literally shifts the chemistry of our brains and helps us feel more positive. This is positive priming. You have all these bad thoughts and feelings swirling inside and the best way to tamper them is to shift your attention to positive ones.

Step 4: Blast your stress with kindness
The best way to feel better is to do something kind for someone else. This goes for all days, but especially for days when you’re getting swallowed up by your own negative feelings. Text a friend to check in, do someone a favor at work, buy a coffee for the person next in line, hold the door open for someone, pay someone a compliment — there is no kindness act too small.

And since research shows that you feel better when you group a few kindness acts together, when I have a rough day I literally like to think of blasting my negative mood with many acts of kindness.

Step 5: Go for a walk (as close to nature as you can get)
The first benefit of going for a walk is to shift your perspective, literally. Look at different things, feel your body move, inhale some fresh air. If you can catch some sun or get a bit of nature into your walk, even better. A recent scientific study showed that going for a walk in nature can stop negative, obsessive thoughts (aka those thoughts that often fill our heads when we’re having a rough day).

Bonus step: Nourish yourself
Eat something you really enjoy (but stay away from junk food, since that’s hardly nourishing.) Read a few pages from a book that makes your heart feel good. Look at photos on your phone that make you smile. Put on something you really love to wear. Treat yourself to your favorite latte or some other fancy coffee/tea/juice drink that feels like a bit of luxury.

Be extra nice to yourself just like you would to a friend who is having a rough day. You deserve your own kindness.

I got to have lunch with my Aunt Mary and my cousin Jon on Monday.  I have to say it was so good to see them both as it has been way to long. 

I am so grateful that Mary seems to be doing better and also so glad she has Jon to help her!  She has had such a rough time I am glad she can get out and enjoy life again. 

For our challenge we have to express 3 items we are grateful for everyday…  My problem is I am so blessed that it is hard to limit it to three everyday!  

I guess my second one today would be my wonderful home I get to go home to. It is filled with love from not just Richard, but our 3 furry kitties!  I am grateful for it everytime I open the door. 

Thirdly-  I am thankful for my job. It may be frustrating at times, but I get to work with some great people and really enjoy my work. 

Today was the first day of our final whole life challenge and we are to write down 3 items we are grateful for. It  is hard to believe the this is our last week! 

Firstly Richard of course.   I am so lucky to have him in my life and I am also very proud of him for trying this challenge.  I know it hasn’t been easy for him!

Secondly I would say my health. I May have a few issues, but overall I am healthy.  This week I have had an aunt diagnosed with stage 3 breaststroke cancer and she underwent surgery on Friday.  Now she had the long road of chemo and radiation to deal with.  Even on my flight today there was an older gentleman that had a heart issue.  Luckily there were 2 ER doctors and a nurse on board to assist him. 

Thirdly I would say I am grateful for home. Heading out on a busy travel schedule for the next few months. Really makes me appreciate my home and kitties of course. We are so lucky to be able to call Cayman home. 

1. It’s really all about love.

2. One shirt you really like is better than five shirts you kinda sorta like and bought because they were on sale.

3. Don’t wait for any one human to give you all the care and love you crave. No one can be your all, but some people can be your a lot. Cherish them.

4. Stop trying to be fearless. If you’re trying and learning, you will feel fear. It’s OK. Feel it, and do it anyway.

5. Read the entire recipe before you start cooking.

6. Failure hurts and it sucks. But your greatest learning and triumph may often come from failure, as long as you remember that failure is not a state of being, but an occurrence on a path.

7. Most things are better after a good night of sleep.

8. Don’t save your nice dishes, nice clothes, nice shoes for a special occasion. Every day you’re alive is a special occasion, so use the good stuff!

9. When in doubt, go for a walk.

10. You can only change yourself. Not other people, not relationships, just you. If you want to change anything — including the world — start within yourself.

11. Be. Here. Now. Don’t rob yourself of living today because you’re lost in yesterday or leaning into tomorrow.

12. One spoon of the real stuff is better than one cup of the low-fat stuff.

13. Happiness is not the absence of negative emotions. You’re not failing at happiness because you feel sad or angry. Let yourself feel what you feel, but don’t lose sight of the little moments of warmth, kindness, or beauty that are always there, even if you have to wipe away your tears to see them.

14. See more art. Make more art. All kinds of art, even art you don’t like. Escape into it with your whole soul.

15. Sweat the small stuff that makes you even the tiniest bit happier: Fill your shelves with books you love. Rush to the farmer’s market for the season’s first strawberries. Buy pens you like to write with. Move your desk to catch the morning sun. These make up the texture of your life.

16. Creating a process works better than setting a goal. “Every day at 8am I will go for a walk,” is a lot more useful than “I’m going to walk 100 miles this month.”

17. You. Are. Enough. You are lovable and amazing and deserving of true genuine happiness exactly the way you are. You don’t have to do anything more to earn it. You’re a being, not a doing.

18. People care a lot less about what you do or how you look like than you think. Mostly we’re all focused on ourselves, so stop worrying about perceptions and live your life.

19. You experience 100% of the emotions you give to others. If you feel angry at someone, you experience anger. If you experience kindness, you feel kind.

20. It’s OK to have a mess of a day. Sometimes you actually do need to eat too much, watch too much TV, and hide under the covers away from it all.

21. If you do something and it makes you feel spectacular, don’t ignore that feeling. It’s the universe trying to tell you: This thing you just did? Do it more often. Yes, this applies to what you do for work, too.

22. Be more honest. Being vulnerable doesn’t make you weak, it makes you real. Be real. It’s a gift not just to yourself, but to everyone around you.

23. You are not your thoughts. You are not your feelings. They are part of you, but not the entirety of you. Learn to be aware of them rather than become them.

24. Make things with your hands as often as you can. Cook, paint, plant, play an instrument, anything. You’ll get a break from living in your head.

25. When you’re having a horrid day, even the tiniest achievements feel amazing. Clean your desk, do a handstand, write things down on your to-do list, which you’ve already accomplished.

26. Be intentionally kind and expect nothing in return.

27. Give up your ideas of how something should be. Life is unfolding as it is, and you have a choice to either be awake to how it is and go from there or suffer wishing it were different.

28. Most things taste a lot better right out of the container: Ice cream, milk, sardines.

29. Find time for stillness and silence every day. Don’t be afraid of spending some time alone. Alone = ALL ONE.

30. The greatest moments in a friendship often come when you text a friend and say: “Hey, I’m feeling awful and I need you.”

31. One of the hardest things to do is to forgive. The hardest thing to do is to forgive yourself. Keep trying.

32. Travel more and often. This may be one of the only ways to buy happiness with money.  You’ll discover more about yourself than the places you visit.

33. Break your own rules as often as possible. Try spicy food even if you’re “not into spicy food”. Wear something bright if you usually wear black. Read things “you’re normally not into”. Give yourself freedom to explore.

34. Take care of yourself. It’s not selfish, it’s your responsibility to the people you love. There’s no glory in being a martyr.

35. Bright red lipstick is pretty much always the answer.

36. The greatest gift you give is the ability to experience unconditional love.

37. Never be too busy for a hug. Or too grumpy. Or too proud.

38. Just because you can’t see it right now, doesn’t mean the path is not there. Keep taking steps.

39. If you have to force it — an idea, a piece of writing, a job, a relationship, a shoe — it’s not meant to be. Working hard and forcing something are two different things. Learn the difference.

40. It’s all really about love. Not romantic love, not any specific kind of love, just LOVE. It’s within you. Find it. Nurture it. Share it. Grow it. Swim in it. It’s always the right answer, although sometimes you’ll have a hard time seeing it. Keep looking.